oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
