I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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