the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
