I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
