Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
