North Korea, Best Korea!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
