Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
