All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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