In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
