Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
