Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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