Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
