Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
