need another drink. this is the easiest way
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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