When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
