It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
