In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
