Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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