maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
