Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
