She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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