I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
