I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize