I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
