Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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