i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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