I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
