OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
