i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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