I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
handjob tips. give me some.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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