i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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