I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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