He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
