My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
