You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
