I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
