And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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