i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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