Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
