It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
