the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
