final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize