Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Randomize
