my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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