to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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