So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
