dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
