He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
