is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
