She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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