I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize