who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My ass is underappreciated
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
