Where did you get a picture of my penis
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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