She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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