my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
