That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
