I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
