(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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