I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
