I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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