because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
