Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
