Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
