I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
