why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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