Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
