So drunk its hurt
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
