but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize