The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
